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Saturday, March 8, 2014

Why guys should not pay on the first date

Nowadays, all we talk about is gender equality, feminism, about how women are as equally good and capable as men.

But when we talk about getting the bill, it becomes a whole new subject in debate. Suddenly gender equality don't apply, and it's a mandatory for men to get the bill on a first date and subsequent dates thereafter.

While I was thinking about what to blog about for my next post, I happened to be talking to my girlfriends and we were on the subject of whether men should pay for women, (for meals, movies, you get the idea) and to my surprise, 2 of them said yes definitely and the other one said if it's a first date, he should pay.



But... My stand is that a guy should never pay on the first date and here are my reasons why:


1. It's a first date! 

You don't know if it's going to progress any further than 1 or 2 dates, it doesn't seem wise to be paying for someone you barely know despite how well both of you got along, and unless you can really afford it, I'd suggest that you let her pay for herself. 

2. She's not doing you a favor. 

The mentality some women have is that, - I'm doing you a favor having dinner with you, and thus you're obligated to pay for me. That is SO wrong. If she thinks she's doing you a favor by giving you her time and you should pay in return, it's more like you 'buying' her already. 

Honestly I don't deny I would like the guy paying, I save my money this way. But every date is an investment. It's an investment of your time, and money. And while investing, expect to have some losses as well - spending money eating out at a restaurant, paying for your own movie ticket.  Not every date will work out, not every guy you date will become your boyfriend but regardless, the point is for you to enjoy the entire experience and who knows? It could be love! :)

3. The test. 

It's a first date, and usually, regardless of whether she offers to pay or not, it's a test of how generous you are, and how much you would be able to provide her with in future.

However, it is important to realize that YOU, matter too. It's your first date with her, and you should also test her and see what kind of female is she. 

4. You can test her character. 

If she insists on paying for herself, it is likely she is someone who is independent, who looks out for herself and these are good characteristics you'd want to find in someone whom you'd want to get into a relationship with. 

However, if she looks surprised or upset when you don't pay for her share, it is rather likely that she is someone who is dependent on her partner, who expects and demands for more than you can offer, and who will whine about every little thing and independent women will shrug off. 

5. She'd expect it. 

If you hastily took out your wallet when the bill is brought to your table, chances are, on subsequent dates, she'd expect you to continue paying, after all you already made it seem that you're obligated to. 

I'm not saying all women are like that, but there is a significant figure of women who have that mentality, and I actually have female friends who are like that. 

I'm a 'better be safe than sorry' kind of person, so I'd advise never to pay in the first place to avoid future awkwardness and hesitation when it comes to paying the bills. If the relationship does progress into something more, and you're quite certain your feelings towards her are reciprocated, then you might like to start paying for her.

6. Never let a woman feel that she is entitled to what you can offer. 

The thing I really dislike in many females is that they expect things. I heard stories about women not even bringing their wallets with them on the first date. (If you think I'm exaggerating, Google: Kishore Nimmala)

If she feels that she is entitled to all you can offer, it is likely she won't appreciate you nor thank you for what you provide or give her in future. 



***

With all that said, everyone is still entitled to his/her take on the matter, you can say I'm all wrong and men should always pay.

But regardless, the guideline is never to be, or appear to be cheap.

Guys who are cheap is one of the biggest turnoff in the early stages of dating.

***

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13 comments:

  1. How i hope every girls thinks like what you mentioned above :x

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  2. One of the 7 billion.March 9, 2014 at 7:30 AM

    As much as i'd like to tip my hat off, give one minute of a respectful silence and shout out to every woman i know to see this, i won't.

    Don't get me wrong. Everything you mentioned is damn straight and it's rare to hear a female talking about something that goes against the stereotypical expectations of a first date. I salute you!

    I won't say you're all wrong, because you're not. I merely want to show you the other side of the same coin. I'm a guy and i believe guys should pay for their first date simply because it's very...gentleman. And a gentleman is who i aspire to be. No further reasons are required as whether or not a guy does pay for his first date, it does not reflect what kind of a person he is or will become in the future. Afterall, it is a FIRST date.

    Of course, girls shouldn't expect guys to pay and guys are not obliged to pay. However, as a guy, paying for my first date simply feel like it was the right thing to do. Despite that, I've been in both situations before. There are times where i offered to pay, there were times the girl was faster and she paid before i could initiate, and there were times where this girl and i got into this friendly argument about who should pay (we split the cost anyway). And by 'different times', i meant different girls i went out with. (confession*) =X

    At the end of the day, i realized...life's too damn short to discuss about whether a guy should pay for his first date or not. Maybe it feels right, maybe it doesn't, maybe people have this thinking that his/her first date would determine the fabric of a steady,(/ or un-steady), long-term relationship in the seemingly endless search of a potential spouse, or maybe people just think too damn much.
    I mean...SHEEESSSHH, it's just paying for food.

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  3. OMG PREACH IT SISTA! PREACH IT~

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  4. Most guys like myself would very much be interested to "test" and try to find out if that particular woman is independent or depends on her partner most of the time, it's not like we're stingy or whatsoever , we actually don't mind paying , like what you said above, it's an investment but the question is how do you go about "testing" that person when naturally when the bill comes and you just take out your wallet, wouldn't it be awkward if you suggest to split the bill? I would feel awkward, very awkward

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  5. as much as i would like to agree to the post, it sounds a little too negative. if you say every date in an investment, paying on the first date might very well be the way a guy invests in the date. of cos, girls shouldn't take it for granted as well. personally, i would suggest on splitting the bill, but if the guy insist on paying, i would accept his kind gesture. you could always do something nice in return. or you could pass the money to the guy and have him settle the bill so it would look like he is the one paying for the date(that's what i would usually do when we agreed to split the bill, contributes to the guy's "face" factor). i do agree with the part on never to appear cheap, be it men or women. nobody wants to be with a cheap person.

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  6. Hmmmm, it's a pity not many SG girls think like you, they've all accepted the society's sterotyping of men paying on the 1st date. It's so rare to find matured minded women with your thinking. Jiayou !!!

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  7. Your closing thoughts on the topic is to go dutch on the first date but not appear to be cheap.

    Thing is, If you request the girl to go dutch, you will appear to be cheap.
    I'm confused.

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  8. A beautiful lady with a mind of wisdom, seriously if most of the girls in SG could have the mature thinking of yours. Men in SG would have a better day, any guy to have a girlfriend like you will be blessed with happiness.

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  9. I think we can also consider this in the light of male fitness (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitness_(biology)); The act of giving a treat to his potential soul-mate could be an honest signal (to certain extent considering the fact that he could have gotten the money on personal loans etc etc etc) of the capability to provide for her in the future. In my opinion, the best outcome will be when she accepts his treat and then reciprocates by treating him back another day.

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  10. What would be the best way to perform this 'test' in your opinion? Maybe an ideal scenario?

    A guy asking the girl to go Dutch feels like it would come off as cheap unless:
    a) you (as the guy) have a compelling argument as to why,
    b) the girl is the one to request to going Dutch (which would negate the need for the test)

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